Interesting: What a Family Presure!

My wife strips for a living: Got it from "Share a Problem with Agatha in Daily independent news"

Dear Agatha,
My marriage is just six weeks old. I met and married my wife within two months. Being in my early 40s, my family wanted me married at all cost. So, when the friend of our last born showed an interest in me, my youngest sister was all too willing to ensure the wishes of her friend was granted especially as I would be staying in the country for only five months.
 Pronto, she told my mother and elder sisters who also put everything in motion to make me fall in love and marry this lady. That was how I ended up in a whirlwind romance that ended in my proposing and marrying this lady, all within two months.
Because I met her through my sister, I didn’t do any background investigations into her life. Besides, I was getting fed up with the constant teases from my friends and family members that I would never get a woman to marry if I didn’t stop looking deeper into the backgrounds of women I allow into my life.
From the reactions of my two very good friends resident in Nigeria during the traditional marriage, I knew something was wrong somewhere but they were noncommittal when I confronted them about their reactions when they saw my woman during the introductions. They didn’t get a chance to meet with her because of their busy schedules and the way things were rushed by my folks and hers.
On the day of the wedding, when my other friends came, it was glaring something wasn’t right about my choice of a wife but I forgot since we were going for a honey moon.  But I remember asking her if there was something I needed to know about her past life or if she knew any of my friends. She said she didn’t know any of them.
Since, I didn’t want a part-time wife; I immediately started making arrangements on how to go with her to my base in Manhattan.  Since her passport was well used, it wasn’t difficult for us to travel together as well as getting a multiple visa that would allow her stay until all her other papers were put right.
The relief of having all my plans fall into place made me to connect with my friends later that evening at a night club. Since I wasn’t planning on staying out late, I didn’t bother informing my wife about my decision to spend some time with my friends. Besides, she told me she was visiting an old auntie of hers in Ibadan to say good-bye since we plan to leave first week in November.
Being guys, we decided to have some fun by going into the inner section of the club to watch nude girls do their thing. My heart dropped when right there on the floor I saw my wife, nude and romancing this huge vibrator.  She didn’t see me at first but fled, following the commotion I caused with the bodyguards as I made to jump on the stage.
Although, she has been begging me to forgive her but, I can’t imagine the two of us living together again, as husband and wife.  Since I met her through my sister, I decided to question my sister on how close the two of them were. From her story, she too strips, not for money but for the fun of it.
This is what my wife is now holding against me. She wonders why I can’t forgive her as I have done with my sister. Until this incident, I was really getting to like her for her manners and attitude towards her home. Unlike most ladies, I have been with, she gets up in the morning to greet me, ask after my welfare and ensures I’m comfortable with what I eat, wear and how my home is. In addition she cooks well. From her demeanor, you can tell she was properly brought up.
But given what I saw that day, how can I stay with a woman I don’t trust or whose moral values are questionable. I have refused to listen to whatever excuse she has to give. The image of her with the vibrator has refused to leave my mind. I feel she has betrayed me. Please help me, Agatha.
Layinka.


Dear Layinka,
 The same way you can live with a sister whose moral values are equally as questionable.
Your sister and not your wife betrayed you.  She only went with the story your sister told you about her. It is your sister you should be angry at for introducing someone whose moral values lack the kind of credentials you want in a woman you would one day call your wife. The onus was on your sister, even if you expressed a desire to marry her to warn you about her line of business and all the other things she does.
The fact that your sister exploited your desperation to marry to foist a friend of hers whose moral values you will normally never consider, shows how desperate your family was to getting you to marry at all cost. You didn’t make the choice; they made the choice for you.
You see fate has a way of exposing us to the very things we loath the most.  This is the time for you to make the choice of what you really want from life. Granted, she is all the things you don’t want in a woman but she is from your own account,  also all those things you thirst for in a woman; the reason you haven’t been able to make up your mind about the many women you have met until she came along.
Frankly she may have been the choice of your family but deep down inside you, something in her attracted you else you wouldn’t have been so accommodating of your family’s interference in your life. There is no way you would have waited until your 40s to give up your freedom to a woman who has no appeals whatsoever to you.
Given what you witnessed, you have every ground to sue for a divorce but is that what you really want? If it were that simple, you won’t be asking me for help.  The plain truth you are refusing to consider now is the fact that the woman who became your wife within the first six weeks has really affected you positively. You have fallen for that woman because she is the very woman you have been waiting for all your life. The kind of woman who makes you feel like a real man, who has no intentions of competing with you even though she is educated, and who puts you on the top of her agenda.
But discovering she is flawed, like all the other women you have rejected is what is actually making you very mad at her.
To help you come up with a solution you won’t regret in later years, ask yourself what matters to you the most in life. There is something that does the work of an eraser; which in marriage is called forgiveness. Can you ever find another woman that would make you as happy as she has done in these six weeks? In life, the ones who hurt us the most are those we love the most.
Like your sister, she maybe in this for fun especially if she has the mien of a girl properly brought up.  So rather than hastily end the marriage, why not ask her what led her into it and why she still went back to it after marriage. If she has your assurance that you might forgive her, she will come out with the truth. She is taking the option of blackmail because you are leaving her with no choice on the matter.  She feels if you can accommodate your sister’s behavior why can’t you, at least, give her the opportunity to talk about her reasons?
Don’t be jaundiced in your judgment. Be fair to her as you were to your sister. Put them on the same pedestal since they are both related to you.
This way, you would definitely come up with a solution that will work for both of you. Frankly, this setback can be the shock your marriage needs to set into a firm foundation, depending on your ability to overcome your personal disappointment. Once you are able to, you will have a clear picture of what to do through the grace of God.
But remember, we all need a second chance at happiness. Often than not when we stand in judgment against others, we deny ourselves the opportunity to be happy in life. Although, standing between the devil and the deep blue sea, you have the key to your happiness on this matter. Ask for help through prayers and fasting, instead of relying on your wisdom alone.